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Gambling again. - slalomskiboy1 - 07-03-2018

My name is Andy and unfortunately I am a compulsive gambler whos dream world has come crashing down again for the millionth time.Ive been all out gambling again for about the last 3 weeks but its finally reached the bottom again as Ive self destructed and lost everything I had saved up for the last 3 and half years without gambling.In that time I had managed to get my existance back in order,because its not a life its just existance.Ive had some good times during that time,but gambling was and always is right on my shoulder and despite knopwing that I dont need it,neither does it ever do me any good,ive still given in to the disease and of course filled the scuim bookies satchels with another X pounds of my hard earned cash from all those years.
Now Im skint yet again and my mind is f****d again.Even though I manage to abstain for so long it always gets me in the end so why even try any more its a pointless task,but I guess it helps somebody who really does want to eliminate this hideous killer.I know I cant habve a bet today as everything is gone again so now its back to minus,minus,minus square 1 yet again,so boring and suchj a b******k ache,Im tired of it all.
Andy.


RE: Gambling again. - Simmo - 07-03-2018

Hi Andy,

I get it mate, in the grips of addiction and the outlook or life is less than desirable. One day at a time mate, get to meetings, as many as you can to get back on track.

What were you doing during the 3.5 years that kept you from gambling?

If you are anything like me, I got complacent and was back gambling before I'd even realised. Of course I'd stopped going to meetings, and it took me 12 years to get back to GA.

Wishing you well

Simmo


RE: Gambling again. - smartie - 07-03-2018

smartie Wrote:
   Recovery from illness can be complicated and depends on getting the right treatment and tools in place depending on how addicted a person is.  Maybe you need to increase your lvl of tools, if not now, maybe in the future....

   Just food for thought from experience...

   Smartie xx


Yes you are absoluitely right.
Ive been wrecklessly gambling,all out and unfortunately my thought process is well I have everything I want so what the hell gamble.But I know inside of me that I am not doing the right thing and it will all come crashing down as it always does when I gamble,but I have not been using the correct tools,neither have I been doing enough to stay clear of the demon,or take away the temptation.
But for today I will try again as I had another bet yesterday,but today is a new day and I will write my daily program and begin again.Thank you.


Hi Andy,
I've copied one of your previous posts from a different thread in as well as my reply.  Sadly few understand how bad this illness can get and personally i have to work extremely hard at recovery sometimes to stay clear.  Can you tell me how you feel about stopping gambling now?  What's the motivation?  As Simmo says what were those main tools that previously kept you clear and which new ones might you add on board?

Let us know...
Smartie xx


RE: Gambling again. - slalomskiboy1 - 07-03-2018

(07-03-2018, 11:48 AM)Simmo Wrote: Hi Andy,

I get it mate, in the grips of addiction and the outlook or life is less than desirable.  One day at a time mate, get to meetings, as many as you can to get back on track.  

What were you doing during the 3.5 years that kept you from gambling?

If you are anything like me, I got complacent and was back gambling before I'd even realised.  Of course I'd stopped going to meetings, and it took me 12 years to get back to GA.  

Wishing you well

Simmo
I was proud of myself for managing 3.5 years away from gambling,and my life was in a position whereby i could buy what I want,when I want only because I was clean from gambling.All ive been doing for the 3.5 years was working and taking as many ski holidays as I could which has been fantastic,being able to go away when I like.
I work very hard 7 days a week,but the last 2 months has been the quietest period in the 3.5 years since I started my new businesses and where i have been flat out usually working non stop 10/12 hours a day,I had found myself with time recently and although I did manage to get more lovely ski hols in,unfortunately gambling sneaked up on me and within minutes it had me,I am so weak its untrue.I reasoned with myself or tried,and tried to fight the disease and even though I knew it was a path to disaster I still gave in.I didnt need money or possessions as ive got all I need and as I know ive achieved all that by working,nothing else,yet I still gave in to it.In the 3.5 years id stayed clean I cleared up thousands of pounds of debt,all the bills,mortgage get paid on time and ive bought new cars/bikes and had great holidaysd,yet WHY,WHY WHY do I choose to self destruct?The only + out of the whole 3 week gambling binge is that I havent sold my prized possessions that I achieved through NON GAMBLING,and neither will I sell as those are the 1 things the scum bookies are never ever going to get,over my dead body.
All I can say is that so far today,its 5.45 pm and I havent had a bet,but the day is far from over and so far today has been a complete nightmare as I feel completely sick with a massive gambling hangover and so angry with myself and the scum ,cheating stinking motherfucking bitch fuck bookies that my head wants to explode.I have now got to start all over again with exactly NOTHING yet again and try and find the motivation again to work like a shitting slave again to either stay clean or give it to the bitchfuck scum bookies.I just want to be back like I was 3 weeks ago before I had that stupid,ridiculous 1st bet.
Andy


RE: Gambling again. - slalomskiboy1 - 07-03-2018

(07-03-2018, 02:16 PM)smartie Wrote: smartie Wrote:
   Recovery from illness can be complicated and depends on getting the right treatment and tools in place depending on how addicted a person is.  Maybe you need to increase your lvl of tools, if not now, maybe in the future....

   Just food for thought from experience...

   Smartie xx


Yes you are absoluitely right.
Ive been wrecklessly gambling,all out and unfortunately my thought process is well I have everything I want so what the hell gamble.But I know inside of me that I am not doing the right thing and it will all come crashing down as it always does when I gamble,but I have not been using the correct tools,neither have I been doing enough to stay clear of the demon,or take away the temptation.
But for today I will try again as I had another bet yesterday,but today is a new day and I will write my daily program and begin again.Thank you.


Hi Andy,
I've copied one of your previous posts from a different thread in as well as my reply.  Sadly few understand how bad this illness can get and personally i have to work extremely hard at recovery sometimes to stay clear.  Can you tell me how you feel about stopping gambling now?  What's the motivation?  As Simmo says what were those main tools that previously kept you clear and which new ones might you add on board?

Let us know...
Smartie xx

How I feel today about gambling is that I am totally sick of it.Part of me wanted to try and recover the thousands I lost yesterday,but with very little funds and not access to get much,I knew it would be a hopless task and that I simply would not regain the losses.But the other part of me is absolutely gutted,distraught,angry and frustrated with myself for giving in and being beaten to pulp AGAIN by gambling.All my hard work from 3.5 years has gone down the drain,just like the thousands I blew yesterday and it all could have been so different.Im so angry because I didnt need money or possessions,I work 7 days a week so in time as I well know,I will have money,and anything I want if I work and dont gamble as again I know.YET I still gave those bookies all of my hard earned money,that ive risked my life for with the work I do,I just despair with myself.I was in a reasonable place only 3 weeks ago,and overnight its back on the merry go round to hell.The tools I used during those gamble free years were basically working 7 days a week,going on holidays that I love,and because  I didnt gamble I could,and still can afford to if I work hard again like I know I will.I kept myself busy all of the time,if not working,I did productive things to my house which again the bookies have not got,neither will they ever get theyre hands on it.I did however not do things correctly which I know kept the disease still there.I watched horse racing on TV which in my state is forbidden,and that has subsequently led to my immediete downfall and emptying of all funds.
My plan for today has been to absolutely NOT look at any racing results,and it has been a nightmare,because i was tempted,but the day is not over yet.My plan also today was to try and find the energy to get up and do as many things as I could without falling over as my legs feel like theyve been chainsawed off due to yesterdays catastrophic losses.All I can say is that today is the 1st day I have not had a bet since my absolute stupidity 3 weeks ago,apart from the 4 days I went skiing abroad 2 weeks ago.All I can say is that I will not be gambling tommorrow or Friday as those days are completely tied up for me where I will be away from any gambling establishments also very little funds available,as well as the fact that I feel so sick right now.
Andy.


RE: Gambling again. - Simmo - 08-03-2018

Hi Andy,

It looks to me that you could have replaced gambling addiction with work addiction, and when work got a little quieter then the old gambling ways crept back in.

In order to stop gambling and stay stopped it's very important to keep going to meetings and working the 12 steps. The more work put into recovery, the further away that next bet is.

one day at a time

Simmo